


Head in the Clouds

by ParkerIndustries



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hugs, Hurt Tony Stark, Mental Breakdown, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 06:29:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14827127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParkerIndustries/pseuds/ParkerIndustries
Summary: People say that time will heal all wounds, Tony knew all too closely that this was not the case. For you see, Steve had left, and Tony's heart was shattered into a million shards, that could never be put back together.Long story short, Steve has always been a dreamer, while Tony was a realist.





	Head in the Clouds

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoy this and think I should keep writing it, please comment and let me know. I hope you love it as much as I do. Enjoy. 
> 
>  
> 
> For Amelia.

Before Tony knew it, the sun was beginning to rise over the city of New York. The golden orbs of sunlight peaking over the high-rise buildings, bringing the city to life. He must have lost track of time once again, locking himself away in his lab working on advancements for the team. He didn’t leave the lab much these days, as the world was not ready to know what truly happened that day in Siberia. The day that Steve’s shield crushed a little too deep.

When Steve left, he didn’t just leave the Avengers or America…he left Tony.

The only man Tony had ever truly loved, had left him. Although, it’s not that surprising, considering everyone that Tony loved left him.

He was stuck in the same monotonous routine. Wake up, work on upgrades for the “team” and finally try to sleep but be haunted by nightmares of the man he loved.He was in so much pain. It was like he was drowning in his own mind, and no one was there to save him.

Yet in true Tony Stark fashion, he pulled up his walls as high as he could and hid his emotions with perfect accuracy. After all, it was just another day. Another nightmare.

It was quiet in the compound. The floor creaked as he walked down the empty hallways, being constantly reminded how utterly alone he was. Well, not completely alone. Bruce and Natasha had decided to move in as to make sure Tony wasn’t rattling around alone in that big compound by himself. The two of them made sure to check on Tony every day, making sure that he was eating and sleeping regularly. It was hard living with the constant hole in his chest from where Steve left, but having Bruce and Nat look out for him, made it feel less hollow. Rhodey made sure to stop by whenever he could, but he was so busy now with missions that Tony felt like he never saw him.

He hadn’t been to sleep in three days and was down in the lab working on the newest prototype of the Iron Spider suit. Coffee was coursing through his veins like adrenaline and the ACDC almost made him forget about all his worries, but like clock work it was time for his daily check-up. “Sir, Ms. Romanov has requested to enter,” J.A.R.V.I.S chimed over the intercom system, lowering the music to just audible. Tony’s head shot up from suit he had been giving his full attention to, and quickly ran his fingers through his chocolate brown locks that hadn’t been washed in weeks. He moved the plate of food from the night before into the garbage and checked his face for any grease.

“Yeah, let her in J,” and just as he said it, the jet-black shades that had covered the windows slowly began to lift and the sound of the door opening rang through the room.

“Ah, how is my favourite assassin doing today?” Tony twisted around in his chair and began spinning a spanner around in his fingers.

Just like always he plastered on his classic Stark smile. He wore a thousand faces, all to hid his own, he had sad eyes with a happy face.

“Fantastic. Marvellous. Spiffing,” Natasha made her way into the lab and pushed some scrap parts to the other side of the bench and placed a bowl of spaghetti down.

“So sarcastic today, Ms Romanov.”

“I got you some food, it’s spaghetti.”

“Thanks, but I’m not really hungry,” and in truth, he hadn’t been hungry for weeks. The smell of food made him feel nauseous, and he hadn’t kept anything but coffee down in days.

“Tony, when was the last time you ate something and went to sleep? You look like death warmed up in the microwave, and I'm Russian so I know what death looks like.”

“Oh, you know just what to say, Nat. I’m flattered.”

"I'm serious, Tony. You need to take a shower and a nap." She began to give him a stern kind of look like a mother would give to a child that has been misbehaving.

"It's fine. I'll shower tomorrow. What brings you down here today anyway?"

“I’m sorry but it’s time we have a talk… about Steve,” Tony immediately flinched when Nat said his name and this hand gripped the spanner so tight, his finger nails cut into his skin.

“There is nothing to talk about.”

“Thank you for feeding me that complete and utter lie,” suddenly Nat’s voice became harsher and her tone became flat. It took approximately two seconds for Tony to realise she was going to keep pushing until he gave her something.

“Please… please don’t make me talk about him.”

“I know you still love him, Tony,” the rise and fall of Tony’s chest began to quicken and the air in the room became stale.

“Of cour- “He swore under his breathe when he realised how close he had come to telling Natasha that he still loves him. He was so used to suppressing those words when they had risen to this tongue, it was almost reflex to swallow it back down. Something inside of him wanted to say it, but he couldn’t, he promised himself that he would never say it again. “I don’t love him anymore.”

“It’s okay to still love him. He played a big part in your life for so long, and its only been three months.”

“You don’t understand, Nat,” water began to pool in Tony’s eyes. He tried to hold it back for so long, but it was too late. Tear after tear, they rolled off his cheek. He stumbled to the corner of the room, and with each step his stomach tightened and ached all the more. He kept swallowing, and his throat kept clenching, but no matter what he did he couldn’t stop the warm feeling rising through her chest.

“Then make me understand,” Natasha took a step forwards towards Tony, but he immediately flinched away. Tony began to claw at his chest, trying to rip out a shield that wasn’t even there.

“I used to think I couldn’t I couldn’t go a day without seeing him. Without seeing his smile, or listening to him talk about his day, or just coming home and seeing the man that I love. Now, every day that I let it sink in that he’s never coming back, it makes me feel like I’m dying.” She looked at him and saw every tiny shattered piece of his heart.

“Broken people like me are better off alone…”

With the softest voice Natasha that could ever use she locked eyes with the broken genius she so desperately loves, “Tony, you know that’s not true. We all love you, you just don’t realise.”

“Yeah, then why did everyone leave?” The air became toxic and every breathe Natasha took left like it was melting her lungs. She could feel the pain radiating off Tony as he tried to stand still. He was stumbling back as the anxiety of the conversation settled on his chest. He was having a panic attack and Natasha knew that she was the one that caused it.

“Natasha, can you please go,” Tony’s voice was shaking and his breathing was staggered. Every time Natasha moved one step forwards, Tony took two steps back. He kept his chest guarded not daring to move his hand from the scars that riddled his chest. 

“Don’t shut me out aging, Tony,” she looked into his soft brown eyes and saw nothing but the shell of the sarcastic genius she fell in love with all those years ago.

“Just _go_ …” Without another word Natasha turned and walked to the door. She waited at the doorway hoping desperately that Tony would turn around and tell her to stay, but he didn’t. The loud click as the door closed behind the deadly assassin, once again left Tony alone.

He slid onto the ground and let the cold hard floor engulf him. The bright lights shone down on him but he didn’t care, because nothing seemed to matter. He closed his eyes and allowed himself for one second to feel everything that he had suppressed for all these months, but he didn’t feel anything. 

He was numb, and somehow, he knew numb was worse.

**Author's Note:**

> This little fic was based off a conversation my sister and I had late one night. About how she was in love, and I thought it was nothing more than a chemical reaction in the brain. I wanted to write this because it made me realise that everyone has a different perspective on love, but we all have one thing in common... we want someone to love us. I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it


End file.
